Someone shut off the Universe, please.
February 21, 2010June 1, 2009
(9:43:28 PM) < kitten>: Mm. I hope your dreams find a better mood for you.
(9:44:14 PM) < FD>: the dreams will still be part of this universe. and that's the whole point. enough of this universe already. i want someone to shut it off.
(9:44:40 PM) < kitten>: What's wrong?
(9:45:08 PM) < FD>: this whole accident of creation. that's what's wrong.
(9:45:32 PM) < FD>: problem is, i can't just shut off my own consciousness. because existence would still be.
(9:45:40 PM) < FD>: and i just don't want anything to be.
(9:45:57 PM) < kitten>: In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
(9:47:34 PM) < kitten>: Can I help?
(9:47:37 PM) < FD>: there's just no escaping it. and it's like everything forces us to continuously be off balance. because as long as we are off balance, then we are moving towards trying to reach balance. so that is movement. otherwise there would just be stagnation.
(9:48:20 PM) < kitten>: And which is preferable?
(9:48:24 PM) < FD>: well, your existence does make the world a tiny bit better, so i guess that's help.
(9:48:56 PM) < kitten>: That might be among the nicest things I've heard.
(9:49:15 PM) < kitten>: But I meant, maybe, in some more specific way.
(9:49:38 PM) < FD>: i don't know. the fact that i have consciousness already means that that was the choice that was made. so it can't go back to zero at any time, because i already exist.
(9:51:08 PM) < FD>: well, i guess you can specifically help by being a happy kitten. somehow that will make things better, i'm sure.
(9:51:39 PM) < kitten>: I don't see how that has anything to do with anything, but I'll see what I can do.
(9:51:50 PM) < kitten>: At least I can make happy songs, or something.
(9:52:05 PM) < FD>: .
(9:52:14 PM) < FD>: i hate songs.
(9:52:28 PM) < FD>: they are a disease for me, kitten.
(9:52:50 PM) < kitten>: I could.. stop making songs?
(9:52:57 PM) < FD>: i don't make them because i want to plan out a song, i make them because it's the only way to satisfy the mathematical deficiencies in me.
(9:53:32 PM) < kitten>: Mathematical.
(9:53:39 PM) < FD>: yes.
(9:53:46 PM) < FD>: that's why i can't follow song structures.
(9:54:06 PM) < FD>: i can't plan out a song. it just has to fit whatever is broken in my patterns, whatever is missing.
(9:54:38 PM) < FD>: everything in the end, is mathematical.
(9:54:50 PM) < FD>: if it's not expressed in one way, it's expressed in another
(9:55:12 PM) < FD>: and i'm just a whole bunch of twisted equations
(9:55:42 PM) < kitten>: So are fractals, and they turn out beautiful.
(9:56:11 PM) < FD>: but see... what happens when i want to plan out a release? all the time it takes to do that, leaves me with no time to make new music
(9:56:29 PM) < FD>: and if i'm not making new music, i'm slowly falling apart
(9:57:30 PM) < kitten>: I don't have a good answer for that.
(10:04:35 PM) < FD>: someone shut off the universe, please.
(10:05:17 PM) < kitten>: Then you'd just be floating in a vast, cold void.
(10:06:18 PM) < FD>: i would not be floating. there would be nothing floating.
(10:07:17 PM) < kitten>: You'd be in a void anyway. :/
(10:07:29 PM) < kitten>: That thought does not appeal to me.
(10:07:33 PM) < FD>: i would not "be".
(10:07:47 PM) < FD>: nothing would.
(10:08:15 PM) < FD>: all these colors and swirls and temperatures and measures
(10:08:23 PM) < FD>: i hate all of it right now. all of it.
(10:08:46 PM) < kitten>: mmf.
(10:09:54 PM) < kitten>: I don't think the universe is going anywhere. It's here. And it needs someone like you in it.
(10:10:05 PM) < FD>: =/
(10:25:40 PM) < kitten>: I am a doctor. I am a taxi driver. I am an electrician.
(10:26:10 PM) < FD>: but society forces you to do that.
(10:26:18 PM) < FD>: like they expect you to be "something"
(10:26:25 PM) < FD>: in order to measure your worth.
(10:26:48 PM) < FD>: i am consiousness at a very limited level
(10:27:13 PM) < kitten>: I guess. And you see it straining to get out, sometimes.
(10:27:25 PM) < kitten>: Why they buy those little paint by number statues. The latch-hook kits.
(10:27:36 PM) < kitten>: Something to make them feel creative in a world where they've forgotten how.
(10:28:23 PM) < FD>: i want to know how to fix it.
(10:30:11 PM) < kitten>: What should change?